Fear of the unknown

I believe a fear of the unknown is what holds us back or keeps us from moving forward so often in life. So many situations can be attested to that fear: a child who refuses to try a new food (what will it taste like?), someone who debates taking a new job (will I be successful?), and taking any risk, in general, is difficult for people because of that unknown. Throughout my pregnancy with Luke and Olivia, I remember being so worried that I wouldn't be able to love all 3 kids equally as much as I love Jackson, which I learned is quite a common fear when you add a second+ child to the family. It was the unknown of whether I could possibly have enough love to give all 3 of them. What I've since learned is that it is quite possible to have that same immense love for those 3 little babes.

When we first heard the words, "Luke has Down syndrome," I think my biggest fear was simply my own ignorance about the issue. The only things I knew about Down syndrome were the physical characteristics associated with it and that it might take him a little longer to learn and develop. It actually took me some time to muster up the courage to read any books or online information, something that normally would have been my very first move, because I was scared to read about all that I didn't know (mainly regarding the many potential health issues). This fear held me back from bonding with Luke right away and kept me from moving forward in my emotional journey.

During occupational therapy this week, Luke kept looking at me the entire time, and focusing on my eyes or touching my hand kept him calm throughout the session. The therapist made the sweetest comment that just made my day. She said, "You two have such a bond. I've never quite seen something like that." So I would say that I've definitely moved past those initial fears that kept me from just letting go and soaking in his love. What I do continue to struggle with, however, is that fear of the unknown regarding Luke's future. Granted, I know that none of us knows what our future holds or that of our children, for that matter. I've heard too many times, "Oh, all kids develop differently," blah, blah, blah. Yes, I understand that, but it's a different situation when you know there will be struggles ahead in so many ways. But then I think again about what our neonatologist said the day Luke was released from the NICU (sorry, I may have already shared this one). He told me about a fellow resident of his when he was in medical school who had a brother with Down syndrome. That friend said to him, "We automatically sell these kids short just in their diagnosis. Make sure the parents of your patients don't do that." I won't let that fear of the unknown keep me from believing that Luke can and will do great things in life. Instead, I will look forward to the endless possibilities that await him!

A friend gave me a wonderful advertisement she saw in a magazine soon after Luke was born. It's titled "My Great Story" from the National Down Syndrome Society. There is a picture of a man named Sujeet Desai with the following words underneath his picture...
I play six instruments.
I've visited eleven countries.
I've traveled to thirty-two states,
and been honored by the President of Singapore.
I've met Oprah, been featured in Time Magazine,
and performed the clarinet before 14,000 people.
I have Down syndrome and this is my great story.