Luke and Olivia are 6 months old today! Where does the time go? There are certain moments from after they were first born that I do remember quite vividly. On the third night we were in the hospital, I recall just crying in the middle of the night uncontrollably (darn hormones!) while trying to pump. I was feeling exhausted, emotional, overwhelmed, sad, and angry. These weren't the feelings I was supposed to be having right then, thus adding feeling guilty to the mix. Pete was sleeping next to me on the uncomfortable cot he had grown way too used to after our many hospital stays while I was pregnant. I didn't want to wake him up, so I buzzed our nurse for the night, Annalise. When she walked in, with tears streaming down my face, I said, "I can't do this. I can't do this." While I was specifically referring to the fact that my pumping efforts at that time were proving insufficient, I think I really meant much more than that. I believe Annalise knew this because she just wrapped her arms around me and sat with me for the next half hour or so, telling me over and over, "Yes, you can. Yes, you can." While she was specifically referring to my pumping, as she helped me get the "cow parts" (as I like to call them) in the right place, I believe there was also much more to her positive reinforcement. I really need to send her a note one day to let her know what an impact her calming, reassuring ways had on me that night.
So here we are 6 months later. There have been moments when I thought we might never get to this point, but the babies are growing, developing, and adding such joy to our lives each and every day. Olivia is fully rolling over, ready to start cereal, and almost ready to sit unassisted. Luke is rolling over to his side, gaining greater head and trunk control, and will likely be ready to start cereal next week with the speech therapist. When I'm having moments of doubt whether we can get to tomorrow, I am reminded of that night in the hospital room with Annalise and tell myself, "Yes, you can. Yes, you can." After all, tomorrow is a brand new day. Happy, happy 6 months, Luke and Olivia! Here's to tomorrow and beyond.
Dear Jana,
ReplyDeleteI have been in the habit of checking your blog every day, eager to read what new insights you can share about your daily life. However, the last few days I haven't been on the computer very much, so I didn't have a chance to check your blog until tonight. Your words really touched me and the tears just started streaming down my face. Tears of sadness for what you experienced, and tears of joy for where you are now and for the beautiful grandchildren you have given us. Not coincidentally (because there really are no coincidences, are there?), we were watching Celtic Thunder on PBS and they just happened to be singing one of my absolutely all-time favorite Josh Groban song's -"You Raise Me Up". That song always had a special meaning for me, but now even more so....I will forever think of you and Pete when I hear the words "You raise me up to more than I can be"..So much love, Paula
OOPS...there shouldn't be any apostrophe in "songs"!
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