Change

Change sometimes happens gradually as a work in progress. Then other times, change hits you like a ton of bricks, fast and hard, without warning.  I know I've written probably annoyingly enough about how Luke's birth changed me, made me a better person, and on and on.  I'm not trying to be cliche or overly dramatic.  It's just a simple fact.  Sometimes a change happens that you didn't even realize you needed.

I had an encounter the other day with Mike, who happens to have Down syndrome, from our local grocery store.  I've mentioned him before in a previous post, but I think it was more of a...wow, this could be Luke bagging groceries in the future.  In my first encounter with Mike after Luke's birth, I was so wrapped up in my own fears of what might be ahead for Luke, that I couldn't even appreciate the moment.  I've actually met Mike even before Luke was born, but of course it didn't have the same impact on me.  I'm certain I smiled at him then, but probably tried not to make eye contact for fear of making him uncomfortable, and I know I didn't take the time to remember his name.  This time was different.

Jackson and I were walking into Jewel and, much to my dismay, he eyed an open shopping cart/car thing.  I can't stand those things because they always look so filthy, and if you've ever tried to maneuver one of them around the store, you know how virtually impossible it is.  So we pushed and shoved the cart/car into the entryway so I could wipe it down with the handful of sanitizing wipes I'd grabbed.  Almost immediately, Mike rushed up, introduced himself, shook my hand and Jackson's, and helped me clean the car.  This time I made eye contact and made sure to remember his name.  He was happy.  He was content.  He just wanted to help us out.  When we were ready to check out, I made sure to find his aisle so we could see him again.  He remembered us as he happily and carefully organized our groceries into the bags.  When he offered to help us out to the car, I was tempted to oblige just so that we could have more interaction with him, but I thought I'd spare him the arduous task of pushing the giant cart/car full of groceries and my 40-pound Jackson.

It wasn't anything miraculous or too out of the ordinary, but I haven't been able to get him out of my mind.  Maybe instead of fear this time, it's the hope that others will see the same change in themselves that I've seen in myself.  I don't want people to avoid eye contact with Lukey for fear of making him uncomfortable.  I don't want people to see him and give that smile that says, oh, that poor thing has Down syndrome, much like I used to do and much like we see quite often when we are out and about.  I saw this quote recently and can't remember who said it, but it means a lot here: "Be the change you want to see in the world."  And that's what I'm trying to do for Luke's sake.

And an update...
Luke had some repeat labs done, which showed that only his T4 is elevated (not his T3 or TSH), which is good news!  The endocrinologist said that 1 in 40,000 people have this where only the one thyroid level is elevated, but the good thing is that there's nothing that can be or needs to be done for it.  So, she cleared him for surgery and we are back on for this Thursday.  Not that we are thrilled to have him go through another surgery, but we'll be ready to get it over with in hopes that it will help the apnea and get him to breathe/sleep better.