Let it go

I believe that learning to "let go" of certain things - a broken heart, hurt feelings, a grudge, other people's ignorance - is a necessary life skill, typically one that evolves as we get older. "Life is too short" and "Don't sweat the small stuff" become recurring themes as we are faced with an increasing array of life experiences. When we were trying to get pregnant, I had to learn to let go of those idiotic, though well-meaning, comments people would make..."You just need a vacation." "Try not to think about it too much." "It's probably just stress." When I was on bedrest, I learned to let go of a need to always be in control. Giving up control of Jackson's routine and daily happenings was especially difficult for me, but, believe it or not, even giving up control of the housework, grocery shopping (oh, how I missed Target for those 17 weeks!), etc. was hard for me. I must admit, however, that the delicious weekly meals my Beebe friends brought over for 6 months (yes, 6 months!) made me all too happy to give up control over cooking and planning dinners!

Our appointment with the cardiologist last week brought us some much needed good news. The doctor was very pleased with what he saw and heard, and believes that the holes in Luke's heart are closing on their own, which means no surgery necessary! We don't have to go back to see him now until Luke turns 1 year old! I actually get a little giddy when I think about this...one less worry and one less doctor to think about. Still, unfortunately, there's a part of me that has to take what happened during our appointment and reach deep within to find that whole "learning to let go" thing I've talked about. While the nurse was prepping Luke for his EKG, she was going on and on about how cute he is. Of course! Then she kept talking...

Nurse: "Oh my gosh, Luke is so stinkin' cute, I can't get over it."
Me: "Thanks. We think so as well, but we might be a little biased!"
Nurse: "You know, he's actually mild. I wouldn't look at him and think 'Down syndrome'...until I get really close. Then I see it, of course, in the bridge of his nose and his eyes."
Me: Awkward smile and, in my head, "Did she really just say that? How the heck do I respond?"

While I know that she definitely meant no harm by her comments, I thought it was a ridiculous thing to say. What a shame that Luke's great appointment was overshadowed by such a thing, but I know that it's up to me to let it go. There are some days when the pain and worry for him seem beyond my capacity to let it go, but it's a life skill I'm learning to conquer with each new day and each new experience.